Tuesday, 28 April 2015

Sunset View


I was going through my external HD and came across the photos I took in Paris last year. 

My DSLR stopped functioning at that time, so I had to use a digital camera. I was very frustrated as I was quite used to getting sharp, clear and just high quality images, the image quality of the digital camera just did not do it for me. Whilst queuing to go up the Eiffel tower, I thought of how I could have captured the scenery and events better in France had I used my DSLR and whatnot, which heightened my bitter mood. I queued for nearly 3 hours and by the time I got to the top, dark clouds were forming and the sun was hiding behind them; the mood was gloomy, but seeing Paris from a high place altered my perspective of the city - literally and figuratively. I think I understood the reason better as to why Paris is called the city of love. 


I mean, how could anyone not fall in love, or feel the love in this beautiful city? Half an hour passed and I was still admiring the streets and buildings. The scene in the photo took my breath away though. The sun finally made its presence known and made everything look even more magnificent. Everything looked perfect, even my bitter mood became sweet when I saw this. 


I was no longer upset about my camera and learnt that the story behind a photograph is much more important than the image quality.

Thursday, 2 April 2015

It's 3:08 in the morning

The light from the glow in the dark stars on my ceiling are slowly fading as the darkness creeps in and the silence amplifies every sound in this cold room. I feel trapped in an abyss with the voices in my head, slowly creeping in, murmuring in strange languages I can barely understand and uttering words that sounded like spells to awaken my greatest fears.

What if everything I do will never be good enough? 

What if I will never be capable of reaching my full potential?

What if I am eternally bound to remain on the same ground and watch the world spin from a distance?

What if I cause more suffering to everyone I love?

My thoughts run rampant with vivid images of my dark past and the future I am hoping for. I always push myself beyond the limits and I always do my best but I always fall short of what I am expected to reach and I keep on being the odd one out. I feel like my old scars are ripped open, my insides torn out and all my flaws are laid out, and everything gets uglier every second. I keep on tossing and turning to hide away from these thoughts, but every inch of my room is forcing me into despair and I have nowhere to hide.

It's 3:08 in the morning.

Maybe my thoughts are powerful because I am too tired and vulnerable to keep my demons at bay. 

It's dark, silent and cold, but I am still hoping for a bright, warm and hopeful day.